my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
