just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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