Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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