i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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