i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
