my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
