Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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