just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
