the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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