he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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