i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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