Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i've created a new STD.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
