Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
