i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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