I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
