i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
