I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
