if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
