He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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