Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
