So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
