did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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