and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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