i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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