duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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