I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
