I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
