I think I am morally bankrupt
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
