We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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