Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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