I'm going to jail i love you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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