It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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