Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
