i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
