totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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