I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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