So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
