You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
