every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want a musical about memes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
