it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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