So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
