We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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