I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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