So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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