if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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