just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
