I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
