Umm I'm too high to move.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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