guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
