Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
