remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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