why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
