You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
