I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize