the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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