Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
