at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Shame - the story of my life.
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