And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize