So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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