If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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