my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm eating all of the evidence.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
