glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
