Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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