You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
