After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
