is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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