pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
