He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
